i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize