My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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