Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
