I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
