either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
