I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
