Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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