i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she woke up with a sticky ear
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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