I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
