Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
