uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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