I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Randomize
