i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
