I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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