I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize