She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
