I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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