So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
