a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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