Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
