the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
