we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
