Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i believe in u and ur pee
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
