Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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