I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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