see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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