i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
