That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
