He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You're like the curious george of whores
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
