WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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