I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
