She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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