She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Two words: nipple clamps
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