This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
