My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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