All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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