like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
