Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My vagina is officially offended.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
