Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dear god my vagina.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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