I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
