So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and she was petting her beer can
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
