Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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