I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
