I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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