I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize