How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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