i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
