I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
