please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
