Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was confusing and full of hummus
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
