we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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