I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
