Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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