3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
