There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
