Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
