I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
