i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
