how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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