It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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