And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
