What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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