best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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