haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize