if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize