But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
