My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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